Pictures!

I hope this works. Below are some pictures of the finished center. My associate Peace Corps director came out to look at it yesterday and seemed very pleased. Enjoy!

Tchao, my associate Peace Corps director, and Michel

Closing Time

The center is finally finished! It looks amazing. We have working computers, a great conference room, a pretty sign, the whole shebang. Students are using it and Michel is full of fantastic ideas about what he wants to do in terms of programs. Anna, my friend in a neighboring village, actually heard students there talking about it! Everyone sounds really excited. I feel like I’ve done my job and am leaving it in capable hands, which is a really nice feeling to have. Thank you all again for your support, this could not have happened without you.

So, 37 days until I complete my service and leave Togo! Do I end that sentence with an exclamation point? I’m not really sure. I’m excited but leaving is, predictably, bittersweet. Togo has become home over the last couple of years and is familiar, if not completely comfortable. I could say the same for America at this point; it is familiar, but not completely comfortable.

I remember during my first week in country I looked at my schedule of stage (training) and startd to cry. There were many days I was sure I wouldn’t make it through the first 11 weeks, let alone 2 years at my post. It is completely surreal to me that I have actually lived here and done what I set out to do. I kow I should be proud of myself, but right now I’ just kind of shocked. Part of me still feels like I’m back at work in Boston, trying to make the decision to leave everything and everyone and move to Africa. For all that the days dragged by here, the two years absolutely flew.

I am in the process of writing my final reports (so much paperwork!), selling/giving away everything in my house, planning a final dinner with village friends, getting Ayi registered on my ticket to the States, saying goodbye to fellow volunteers…the list goes on. My head is spinning and I tend to hate Togo one day and love it the next. This last month is a lot like ripping of a band-aid very, very slowly. I know leaving is going to hurt, so I wish I could just do it and get it over with. The one overwhelming feeling I have is excitement to see all of you. It will be so good to be home.

Life Happens When You Least Expect It

I can’t believe how terrible I’ve been about blog entries lately. Apologies all around. One of the reasons I haven’t written is because everything that has been happening is deeply personal. While I want to share my experiences here, I needed to find a way to talk about everything, knowing it would end up as public domain!

As most of you already know, I’m in a relationship with a fellow volunteer. Dating someone in the States always requires a period of adjustment, when you learn to balance your friends, your work and the new person in your life. A relationship in Peace Corps tests your ability to do this even more, since there is minimal accountability for your work. Not spending every day in each other’s villages when there’s nothing to stop us from doing so is difficult. Knowing that we have a year of separation in front of us makes it all the more difficult to be apart as well. Fitting into each other’s lives is not like in the States, where we can get together for a drink after work or go catch a movie. Instead, we are two bush taxi rides away from each other, accessible only on our market days. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve slacked off since I’ve been back from Christmas, and it’s been hard motivating myself to do much since I’m getting so close to the end of my service. This is partly due to my boyfriend and partly due to the fact that I have large choices looming in front of me.

I was accepted into all the grad programs I applied to, and now am faced with a fantastic, albeit stressful, decision. I’m trying to get the most complete picture I can of all the programs, but I find it endlessly frustrating that I can’t pick up the phone and call the admissions offices or hop in the car and see the campuses. Thank goodness for Dad, my personal assistant in the States who has been making endless phone calls for me and for Frankie, who has been listening to me talk in circles, weighing the pros and cons of each program over and over again. On top of this decision, the Peace Corps has started sending us information about our Close of Service conference and what it’s like to be a returned Peace Corps volunteer in the States. People from my training group will be closing service as early as the end of May, and it’s staggering to think about how little time I have left.

So, that’s the frame of mind I’ve been in lately. In terms of Africa-y things, Vogan is good. The center is completely finished and we should be moving the furniture into the building in the next two weeks or so. We had a loooooooooong hold up during January and February due to our carpenter continuously hurting himself at other sites, but everything seems to be under control now. I’m in the process of filling out the final report, and if I see that there is interest from all of you back home who donated, I will be happy to post the final draft online. This past weekend, Frankie and I went to Accra for a couple days, which was really nice. It was fun to see Frankie’s reaction to things like the mall, overpasses, lanes on the road…all of the developed stuff that Togo doesn’t have. He hadn’t been out of Togo since he arrived in June, so he was very excited. We saw some of the historical stuff that I hadn’t seen on my past visits, so that was interesting. We also took in a movie at the new Cineplex, which, although not as educational, was great.

Well. I hope this entry serves to enlighten you all as to why I’ve been MIA lately, although I’m sure most of you already knew. I’m truly happy here as I reach the end of my service. My life seems to be falling into place and falling apart all at once, but I guess that’s the nature of closing service. I’ll write more as I see where the pieces end up.

Back In The Saddle

It has been too long, I know! The truth is, there really hasn’t been that much going on since I got back from the States.

Seeing my family for Christmas was such a gift. Sarah, Kate and my dad met me at the airport, where they heard Azi, my 3-legged cat, before they saw me. I brought him home for a former volunteer and he actually made me miss my flight from Paris. The trip was a total nightmare, but obviously worth it. On the 23^rd, everyone descended on the house, including my sister and her fiancé, my aunt and 2 cousins, my grandparents and my best friend Deborah, who had the important responsibility of “bringing Hanukkah” with her. Christmas day brought the remaining cousins, aunts and uncles, rounding dinner out to 19 people. It was fantastic to see everyone, but I must admit I was pretty overwhelmed for the whole trip. Not to mention, I was FREEZING! The weather was in the 40s almost the whole time but I was uncontrollably cold the whole time. How will I ever readjust to New England winters??!

I got back to Togo on New Year’s Day and really didn’t experience any culture shock. The US really strikes me as stranger than Togo these days. What was extremely difficult was going back to being alone. Anna left on New Year’s to go home for a month, so I came back and found myself relatively lost without her. Luckily, in her absence I made some amazing new friendships with other volunteers, who lifted me up and helped me get through each day until I felt better. I worry about the day I get home and no longer have support from other PCVs. I have been reminded lately that as supportive as all my family and friends are, volunteers understand each other in ways that can’t be equaled. They are the only people who understand the loneliness, the frustration, the moments of clarity of purpose. This past month has reminded me what a unique bond we all share.

On the work front, the center is almost completely done! The painting is finished and the electricity installed. Now we are waiting on the bars for the doors and windows, and once those are installed, we should be ready to move in the furniture and open the doors. I’m really excited to see it all come together, and also have a few months to help make sure everything is running smoothly. My counterpart Michel and I have also started a weekly girls’ group at a local middle school, incorporating French spelling games with small lectures on self-confidence, risky behavior, HIV/AIDS prevention, etc. So far we’ve gotten a lukewarm reception, but hopefully as we gain their trust they’ll start engaging and asking more questions.

It is completely staggering to think that there are only 6 months left of my service. When I talk about work now, suddenly it’s necessary to plan and make sure things can be finished before I leave. Although 6 months is still a big chunk of time, I really feel like I’m on the home stretch, and after so many months of counting down, suddenly that seems scary to me. As for grad schools, I have been accepted to the Fletcher School at Tufts University and am still waiting to hear from American and George Washington. Their decisions should come down sometime in March, at which point I’ll also find out what sort of financial aid package Tufts can offer me. Therefore I feel a little in limbo. I don’t know what I’ll do for sure next year yet, and I can’t make any decisions until March. I like to be able to look ahead, so waiting is a difficult thing for me to do. Fingers crossed!

At the end of this month I’m headed up to Burkina Faso for its film festival in Ouagadougou with my friend Susan. I haven’t been up that far north yet, so I’m sure it will prove to be an adventure. And I hear Ouaga has bowling! Look for another blog post about it next month!

I'll Be Home For Christmas

I'm safely home! I arrived at JFK after a nightmare of a trip with Air France. After missing my flight in Paris, they lost my bag and it took 3 days to track it down. But I'm here now. I wanted to let everyone know, now that I have the time and the internet, that the youth center is going really well. The roof has been replaced and we have the dividing wall almost finished. We've ordered the doors and windows and those should be delivered while I'm here. Here are a few new pictures for all of you. Thanks for your continued support...we hope to inaugurate the building in February!








On another note, I have been accepted to the Fletcher School of Tufts University for their master's program. I am still waiting on American and George Washington Universities, but it's nice to know that I WILL be going to grad school in '09! I will be home until the 31st, so if you would like to call I can be reached at 207-838-4020.
Happy holidays to everyone!

Giving Thanks

People have been asking why I haven’t posted a blog lately, and the truth is I just haven’t been very inspired. But as I was cooking my plain pasta up for dinner tonight (and drinking wine, I’ll admit), I started thinking about Thanksgiving tomorrow. I began fantasizing about the amazing meal we’re going to have at the PC country director’s house, by far the best I get in Togo. I also began thinking about the graces we used to say around our family table, when we shared what we were thankful for. Obviously, in a crowd of 50 volunteers we don’t do this. So instead, I thought my blog would be a fitting place to express what I’m thankful for on this Thanksgiving.

First and foremost, I’m thankful for my family. I have parents who not only support me in my various wanderings, but can relate to me as I take a more winding route to figure out what my calling is in life. When I decided to uproot myself, move halfway across the world, make 8 dollars a day and put off grad school, they not only supported me, they were enthusiastic. I’m thankful for a sister who tries to understand me even though we could not be more different, a sister with whom I can have entire conversations in movie and SNL quotes, a sister who reminds me that the simple things in life matter most: family, friends, home. I am thankful for the rest of my family, my (amazingly generous) grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I am so fortunate to be as close to them as I am, and am SO VERY thankful that I am able to be with them this Christmas. I am thankful for my friends, who have, over and over, listened to me ramble on about the mundane details of Africa, when I know I’m talking too much but just can’t seem to keep myself quiet. Sarah, Deborah, Kate and all my friends who call, email, write, facebook, and give their support from afar. Your love means so much.

One of the reasons I’m still here is my fellow PCVs, and I am so thankful for them. Ashley and Anna never fail to respond to my texts when I’m worrying about my cats, my health or my sanity. They remind me that I’m not alone on this strange, fascinating, frustrating, amazing journey. I’m thankful for my Togolese families, plural. My host mother in Agou who somehow remembered and found the money to call me on my birthday. Mawussi, Amelavi, Didi and Gloria, who challenge and uplift me every day. I’m thankful for Michel, an amazing man and fantastic colleague, who shows me what motivation is.

Living here has made me thankful for the simpler things in life. I must say, I am thankful for electricity. For running water. For fans. For the fact that cockroaches seem to be afraid of my house now. For flushing toilets. For my cats, who worry me to death but provide me comfort and companionship. For Wheat Thins. Oatmeal Crème Pies. Cheese.

It’s easy to wallow in the negative here in Togo, as my last blog clearly shows. But I try to remind myself that although I sometimes feel as if I’m exiled in a foreign land, I have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

October Blues

As the weather at home grows chillier and it becomes brutally hot here in Togo, I find myself in a slump. As early as a week ago, I was feeling pretty good about life in general. Anna (a neighboring volunteer) and I held a great training of trainers here in Vogan. A local Christian women’s association asked us to train a few of their women in HIV/AIDS and how to teach it. So for the past month or so, Anna and I have been planning that program, and the actual training went really well. The association picked women who had a good grasp of French, and hopefully they will take what they’ve learned back to their villages and share it in local language with other women. The schedule was packed full of sessions about the immune system, HIV and the vulnerability of women, teaching methods and what works best when teaching about HIV/AIDS, transmission, prevention, and a quick lesson on nutrition. We were all exhausted by the end of it, but I think it went really well. It was the first time I’ve run full sessions by myself, and I was glad I overcame my fears about speaking French in public, because now I feel like there is more I can do in Vogan. I’ve seen that language is no longer a barrier to my work. (Go to the "My Pictures" link on the right and see "Vogan Training")

One of the interesting things about the Peace Corps is the mood of a PCV changes on a regular basis. Just when I thought I was feeling settled, busy, dare I say it? happy, an inexplicable sadness and fatigue overcame me in this last week. I’m always amazed how homesickness can punch me right in the gut. Since I live alone (except for my two cats, which you all have heard way too much about) I have a lot of time to analyze my feelings, probably more than is healthy. I’ve started confronting them from an almost objective position, finding them fascinating. I doubt a time in my life will come again where I am as volatile as I am here. Reading back over my diary as I did the other day, I sound like I should probably be on some sort of medication. This experience is emotionally, physically, mentally draining for all of us, even when we don’t consciously feel it. Talking to my mother on the phone the other night, I came to a sad realization. I am 26 years old and have spent the last year counting down the months of my life, and will continue to do so for the next eight. I’m happy I’m doing this, and will never regret it, but it strikes me as sad that by the time I return, I will have been waiting for the last 2 years of my life to just be over. I long to be in a place in my life where I’m not doing that. For now, I am sad and unmotivated, feeling like the eight months ahead of me are an eternity. Next week, who knows? Perhaps I’ll feel, as I did two weeks ago, that I’m on the home stretch. Such is the emotional state of a PCV!
Part of my doldrums is due to work slowing down a bit. Our training is over. There’s nothing active for me to be doing for the center at the moment (see the latest pictures in "My Pictures, Center"), since they’re digging the well (by hand, check out the photo) and we need to find water before proceeding. Our Karren Waid scholarship program is still an organizational nightmare, but at least a majority of the girls have their money for the school year. So the past three days have included me wandering aimlessly through my house, finishing two books, and wandering into the kitchen to look for food that is never going to magically appear. I’m trying to look forward to a fun November, with Thanksgiving, my birthday, and a little travel thrown in. But when I let myself think about the crisp, cold days of autumn in New England, my heart hurts. As I hear about all of you starting to freeze as the winter rolls in, I’m sure I’ll start feeling a little better…for all I complain, I don’t miss Boston winters!